Self Assessment

I) Intro: In which a crazy person does something crazy

I began studying Japanese in December of 2020. We were nine months into the COVID-19 pandemic. I had spent the majority of that year indoors in a two-bedroom apartment with my wife and dog. When shit hit the fan, I was working as a manager of a software development team for a Kansas City company, and we transitioned into "remote working" nearly instantly. In a matter of days nearly all of my daily socialization was gone. (Later, I would replace it by buying houseplants to attend to. Still later, those houseplants would receive names. But that's a different story...)

As the months whirled by, the "pandemic week" began to settle into a bizarro-normalized routine.  My work schedule was the center axle around which my daily life spun, and I was the anxiety-ridden, wide-eyed hamster running within the wheel. We're all going to die! But maybe not tomorrow! So I need to keep working! Gotta have money to buy food so I can stay alive until WE ALL DIE! 

Etc.

I needed to find something else to spend my time on. Something that would be challenging, something I could notice marked progress on as the weird weeks cycled by so I wasn't just focusing on Work and Dying all the time. I read some bite-sized Instagram mind-well-full-ness thing that said one should "connect to things you enjoyed in your youth." I had always wanted to learn Japanese. And Natasha Lyonne, the green pothos in my kitchen agreed it was a good idea too, so...

What surprised me about Japanese was how goddam difficult it was. Like, I knew it was going to be hard. Hell, to be honest, there was a twisted over-achiever part of me that had chosen it because I knew it was going to be hard and I wanted to learn it and look back and say triumphantly (to no one): "See? I did it!" 

Absolutely no one: 

          Me: "I... have made fire!"

But oh holy shit it was hard. I powered my way through Hiragana, gamely memorizing characters at every free moment of the remote-work day (of which there were many). I devoured Katakana, crunching determinedly through them like an insane person eating through a Costco pandemic-value-pack of Nature Valley granola bars in a single sitting. "When I finish these," I thought, eyes glassy and red-rimmed, "I'll be able to read Japanese sentences!"

Except actually, yeah, um so... as it turns out: no I would not.

My reading skills were so terrible, that by the time I got to the end of the sentence I had forgotten what was at the beginning. Also, the sentences were like... backward? 

So yeah, turns out it was pretty hard.

II) Year 1:"The Global Seal of Biliteracy Language Proficiency Self Assessment"

If you do any Googling on "how to learn Japanese", you may come across things like:

• Listen to it!
• Read it!
• Write it!
• Watch movies! Listen to music! 
• Join a group! Find a conversation partner! 
• Find a native speaker!
• Do it every day!
• No really, every single day!
• Do it every goddam minute!!!
• IMMERSE YOURSELF UNTIL YOUR SPOUSE QUESTIONS YOUR SANITY!

So, after a year of doing all of the above like a cranked-out hamster running from the ever-present specter of Death, I took the Self Assessment to see what level of proficiency I had attained in Japanese! 

On a scale of 1 (None) to 115 (Distinguished), I achieved:

• Interpretive Listening/Viewing Score: 8
• Interpretive Reading Score: 5
• Interpersonal Listening/Speaking Score: 12
• Interpersonal Reading/Writing Score: 5
• Presentational Speaking Score: 11
• Presentational Writing Score: 4

None of which hit the first bar on the rating scale, that being "15: Novice Low".

"Ah! Kawaisou!!"

Am I disappointed? 

Sure. 

Is it about what I expected? 

Definitely, considering 90% of the time when I say something to my conversation tutor they stare back at me blankly. ("The apple is red, ne?")

III) Path to Proficiency

So, how will I get better? I will...

1) Interpretive:

I will learn more vocabulary! I will practice reading phrases in understandable contexts!

2) Interpersonal:

I will learn how to ask for clarification! I will figure out personally relevant contexts! I will work to understand predominant cultural differences!

3) Presentational:

I will polish my understanding of how to present myself! I will learn appropriate gestures! I will learn how to express who I am, and what I'm into!

I am able to do things that I wasn't able to when I started learning last year. I am able to read hiragana, katakana, and a few kanji. I know the stroke order on many of the characters as well. I am able to read very simple stories in hiragana and understand a bit of them with context clues. I have worked on 'ear training' enough that I can hear different words in sentences spoken by a Japanese speaker (even if I don't understand them). I know maybe a couple hundred vocabulary words. I can introduce myself in Japanese. I am becoming familiar with some Japanese customs, food, and cities. I am just starting to branch out to Japanese media (beyond Kurasawa and Anime!)

I want to be able to progress these skills further. I would like to be familiar with several places in Japan so I can answer the question "What would you like to see when you visit?" with some detail. I want to be able to read hiragana with speed so I am working on comprehension rather than pronunciation. I want to know common kanji characters that I would need for travel (restaurants, trains, bathrooms, directions, hotels, etc.) For those known phrases I've practiced, I want to be able to speak with intonation that would be understandable to a native Japanese person. I want to learn more about popular Japanese media.

And above all, I will work hard and not be discouraged, but tell myself:

• I got myself into this!
• I'm better than I was yesterday!
• Learning new things makes me interesting and prevents me from buying any more houseplants!!!

How do you say "Make plans, God laughs" in Japanese? 
(Answer: I still have no f***ing clue.)